What's Ahead of Me

Transition from interior and exterior in Japanese Architecture.

This school year, I realized something about myself. I realized that I am more comfortable being by myself. Though sometimes, I wish I have friends or family to talk with...but when I am by myself, I think of a lot of things. I discern and search what I truly want. For over the years, I've been always objective, and being selective (of preferences) comes very rarely to me. Now, most of the time, I spend my time by myself, since mom and dad goes to work. My schedule isn't as packed as before (though the workload is 3 times harder), so I'm always left alone in he house. when I'm alone, there are only three things I do: work, enjoying myself (reading, watching, playing...etc) or thinking. When I think, my mind flies and think of my future. What do I want to do? What should I do? What should I improve?...and whatnot.

Last night, I wasn't able to sleep well, and I only went to bed by 4:45 am (when my parents have awaken). At dawn, I wasn't able to stop myself and I took my pen and paper. I began to sketch plans, for our house and our lot area in Surigao. I also sketched a (weird) furniture design. I'm thinking of redesigning the interiors of the house.  I've been thinking a lot about it. I've been into minimalism and zen designs. I've also expressed some interest in architectural interiors. This kind of impulse did not come out during the summer. I had been working over the summer to prevent my self from getting depressed. I usually gets depressed after a semester due to the intense stress and pressure I always go through. It's just now, when I'm in the middle of doing work, I have been able to think over things.

Modernized Zen Interiors

I want to study architecture and architectural interiors in Japan. I want to learn how to design buildings that can calm the soul. When I design commercial buildings, I'm more into contemporary and minimalism designs. But when it comes to residential and  personal spaces, I'm more into zen. I want to design spaces with a small demarcation between nature and shelter. As a person who is private, I want to design tranquil spaces where one can rest one's bones from all the stress of city-life. I don't know. I began thinking of this in the middle of doing my thesis. I know it is a distraction, but I feel like writing it. I feel that if i don't write it, i might be able to forget this determination.

I still feel that I lack in skill in this field. That's why I want to learn. In the next two years of apprenticeship, I want to learn a lot not only on site work, but also in traditional and computer-aided drafting. But before everything else, I have to climb up walls. Walls that can last for two years. I hope and I pray I'll have strength to overcome these last two years. I want to grow. I need to develop these skills. For some weird reason, I want to continue...I want to move move forward.

I don't know what's ahead, but I'll keep on praying that somehow I'll be able to find my own path.